Feature on Strong Women: Anubha Cook

Anubha Cook and her killer smile

This is how I remember Anubha (my host mom from Seattle, Washington where I worked as an au-pair for her family); studying in her PJ's with a smile on her face.

Anubha was/is a rock star momma.  By the time I met Anubha, she had already completed her BSc, worked in the field completing EIAs (Environmental Impact Assessments) for large corporations, and had then decided that what she really wanted to be was a pharmacist, and so she went back to the University of Washington to study for her pharmacy degree full time. All of this whilst being a full time wife, and mother to three children under the age of 5 years.

I was an apprehensive 18 year old when I arrived, having never lived away from home and here I was moving in with a vegetarian family half-way around the world, and agreeing to take care of three small children on a daily basis.  Anubha was incredibly gracious and kind to me, teaching me so many things at such a young age, which would change my world view forever.  On my homesick days Anubha would make me custard pudding with sliced bananas, and when I was sick she would give me a head massage with essential oils.  No matter how exhausted Anubha was there was always more to give.

A typical day for Anubha involved going off to the University at the crack of dawn (which was a good 40 minutes driving distance away) followed by coming home late afternoon, a good hour of snuggles and playtime for the little ones and then making the most delicious, healthy vegetarian dishes (dahl's, chipathis, pastas, pizzas etc was always on the menu).  I wasn't sure whether I was going to like this vegetarian food having been raised in a very Afrikaans family (i.e. we like our meat) but man oh man I think I only ate meat twice the whole year I was there and I gained a good 10 kg's.  But I digress, Anubha always had time for the kids no matter how exhausted she was, the family always came first.  Sara would help her in the kitchen every night (at the tender age of 2 years), making special chipathis just for me and Anubha had an incredible level of patience with them all.  I think in the year I was there Anubha raised her voice only once.  It showed in the children's behaviour and confidence, that they truly were happy, healthy and well-loved.

In the evenings we would all gather around the dining room table for our meal and chat about our day, and after dinner instead of the usual T.V. time (there was only one television in the house located in my room) the kids would partake in arts and crafts; making structures out of the homemade playdough Anubha made for them; we would get involved in homemade science projects and most of all we would read (Dr Seuss was our favourite, but Ben was also reading 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' to the children).

Ben (my host dad) was/is a rock star dad.  I have this clear vision in my head of Ben leaving Anubha to study over the weekend and piling all three kids in the van for a Costco trip.  He would then push Sara in one trolley in front of him, Arjun in another trolley behind him and Sohan strapped to his chest whilst he did the monthly grocery shopping.  There are very few men who would have the patience and love to do this for their family.

Anubha, Ben and the children under the pear tree which I pruned

Our favourite afternoon activity was picking (and eating) the many types of fruit which grew in the garden.  The fruit which we grew included: blueberries, raspberries, green grapes and pears.  It was also a big teaching moment for the children to learn where fruit which we buy in the store comes from and how by photosynthesis fruit is able to grow.  Arjun especially, was like a sponge with a thirst for knowledge and moments like this became our way of learning together.

I remember writing to my mom in shock, explaining that Anubha and Ben owned no kettle or iron.  I learned to make do with what we had, and it helped me to realise that you don't really need all the things that you think you do.  Sohan, the cutest, happiest, healthiest baby had no special facecloth, hooded towel, baby products, changing mat or crib.  It was a big moment for me to learn that there is very little one genuinely needs in order to raise a baby.

Anubha taught me so much (probably more than I can think to include here) but here follows what I learnt from my year with her:
- Vegetarian food is so yummy. Good food may take more time but it is so worth it
- One doesn't need a lot of money in order to be happy, and live a fulfilling life
- To mother is a verb, a daily choice and an action.  It is a privilege and not a right

Arjun, Anubha and Sara

Sara, Anubha, Arjun and baby Sohan

- Family comes first always
- Mixed race babies are beautiful
- Time outs and explaining the consequences on one's behaviour is way more effective as a disciplinary tool than physical punishment
- Children don't need complicated electronic gadgets to be happy.  They're much happier outside picking and eating fruit; playing dress-up and using their imagination; exploring the inside of a library; or at an arts and crafts table with some glue, a pair of blunt nose scissors, paper, paint and playdough. 
- It's okay for the house to be messy and clothes not to be ironed.  It's far more important that your family are well taken care of and happy.  This is still a hard one for me (I am my mother's child after all).  Childen also need to be able to make a mess in order to learn

Sara covered in her favourite 'Roghurt' as she called it

Sohan covered in spaghetti sauce learning to feed himself

Sohan eating yummy chipathis

- Patience in all things is key
- In order to be successful in life you need a husband who is prepared to be an equal partner, who supports and loves you through it all
- No matter how much you really wanted that last croissant or bagel, when your children ask for it, you suddenly really didn't feel like it

I can never thank Anubha and Ben enough for welcoming me into their home, and allowing me the privilege of taking care of and loving their children.  It was in Seattle that I realised that 'Everything Happens for a Reason'.  God gives us exactly what we need in order to grow and learn.  This truly was one of my happiest years.

Arjun or Juni as we called him on his first day headed to Sanislo Elementary School.  The children and I planted the pink flowers.



Christmas Eve with the family

Goodbye dinner for my friend Dorothea